Confidence Man

You might think, from this picture, that Alex dressed himself for school today. You would be right. While I was in the shower and Art was making breakfast, Alex ransacked his dresser drawers until he found this hand-me-down Clemson jersey. We even had words about my requirement that he wear a t-shirt underneath it. Art cut that one off at the pass by mentioning that football players wear t-shirts (and shoulder pads) under their jerseys. A light appeared in Alex's eyes. "Mom, do you have any shoulder pads I can borrow?" No! I had this horrible vision of the damage he'd do, barreling down the halls of the elementary school, mowing down any haplessly slow pedestrians.

Some days I wish I had half the confidence Alex has almost all of the time. He's had a couple of rough days this week. Tuesday I got a phone call from the assistant principal. You just know this is not going to be a friendly call. (Note to school: why can't you make daily random phone calls to parents just to tell them how well their kid behaved that day?) With a heavy heart I picked up the line that Kitty transferred to me. On the up side, I got to chat with the assistant principal. She and I had never talked before, I usually speak to the principal.

Apparently in the line to leave the classroom for the day, there was an eye-poking incident. Doesn't that sound horrible? The other boy was crying and had to go to the nurse to be looked at before he left. I wanted to hide under my desk. It's a big L-shaped desk and I'm pretty sure I could be comfortable in the back corner for a while, especially with provisions, and maybe a TV. Since school was already out, Alex was sent on to After School Care with a warning from the assistant principal. I didn't have to come get him early, I just needed to discuss things with him.

When I walked in the school to get him, the college student at the desk told me Alex didn't get a star for something that had happened that afternoon. "What the heck did he do now?!" Turns out that they had also intervened in the eye-poking situation, so at least there was only one black mark on his file for the day. Alex came walking up the hall, and when he saw me he threw his hands up in surrender (at least I like to think that's what it was), and said, "I can explain!" His side of the story included a demonstration of a Robert DeNiro/Meet the Parents-style "I'm watching you" motion with his fingers in a V. Add to that two bouncing little boys ready for dismissal and the poor kid got a finger to the eye. Mind you, I am not excusing Alex in this scenario. But I was terribly grateful that it seemed to be an accident. A boneheaded, unfortunate accident. Alex lost privileges for a few days and got a stern warning from both parents. He has apologized to the other child, several times. Here are the reasons I think he is telling the truth about it being an accident:

1) The other child - I've never heard Alex express dislike or animosity towards him. They seem to play well together and Alex's teacher says the boy is also energetic. 2) "I can explain" - I'm pretty sure if it wasn't an accident, I would have been greeted with tears and a litany of the horrors that Alex had suffered before the final straw and poking.
3) The demonstration he gave where he acted out the whole situation. It seemed reasonable. I'm a little concerned about his depth perception, though.

So, yesterday, we set off to school. Audio from the ride to school:

children's music on the radio
"Keep your hands to yourself today!"
"OK."
"Calm down."
"OK."
"Don't be wild."
"OK."
more music

The assistant principal kept him in from recess for the day as punishment. I think he handled it well. He made it through the entire day until I showed up to get him. Of course.

I signed him out at the desk. As I looked up the hall one of the minders was talking intensely to Alex, Augustus and a boy a year older than them. Alex was red-faced and shedding a few tears. Now, this, THIS was a situation where he shared some blame. I could tell that from 20 yards. What I pieced together then and over the next hour, using my new found skills as an Inquisition interrogator, was that this was a continuation of a disagreement that began earlier in the game room. The other boy went to the same preschool as Alex and Augustus and there had been some difficulty when they were younger. He's a big, rambunctious kid and the younger ones didn't like to play with him.

So, Alex finds himself across the table from the boy while they were playing with Legos, board games, something that's supposed to be fairly innocuous. And for no reason at all, just something eating at Alex found its way out of his mouth, "I don't like you!" No justification whatsoever. The other boy grabs him and won't let go until Alex hit and kicked him. The teachers saw it all, and separated them, sending the older boy out of the room. Which seemed to help, until they called Alex to the front when I got there. Of course, he intercepts the boy in the hallway. No adults saw what happened, and Alex refused to make a statement at the time. I made sure the boy was okay and took Alex outside.

Thus began the third degree. By the time we got home Alex professed no memory of the events in the hallway. "I can't remember!" I told him if he couldn't remember what happened 20 minutes ago, we were headed to the pediatrician tomorrow to get a detailed examination to see what was the matter. (Sorry, Dr. Draisen, I was desperate.) What he finally admitted was that when he saw the boy in the hall, he repeated his feelings about him, and blows were exchanged. Not sure who landed the first one or if either of them were solid or not. They keep the kids under tight supervision so they were seen before anything else happened. Which led to the object lessons (and lecture) for the evening.

Here goes: There are people out there that we don't like. This does not mean that we have to tell them that, especially to their face, for no reason. We have to work with others even if we don't want to do so. Also, just because it pops into our head, it does not mean it has to come out of our mouth. I went on in this vein for some time.

I'm not sure if it helped but we did see the kid this afternoon when I picked Alex up and there was a "cut direct," Alex acted like he didn't see him, and he sure didn't say anything to him. Probably not the best reaction, but I'll take it over "I don't like you" and fisticuffs any day.

It's almost the weekend. Tomorrow is Friday, thank goodness. Maybe spring fever will die down and spring break will cure some of the wildness running through the school halls. I'm looking forward to Saturday morning. Four of us are going to downtown Greenville for a photo scavenger hunt. It's a benefit for Let There Be Mom, a great organization that helps terminally ill mothers make mementos like scrapbooks, videos, etc., for their families. I hope it doesn't rain. We are a slacker team and certainly not all-weather. When I told Alex that I would be out with some friends for the morning, he said, "You have FRIENDS?" Sigh.

Signs of Spring

Are you looking for a definitive sign of Spring? Well, as someone who shares a house with a 6-year-old boy, I can give you one: dirt in the bathtub. I don't mean a dirty bathtub, as in it needs cleaning. (I'd probably qualify.) I mean when certain short people start wearing Crocs again in warm weather. And playing outdoors in said Crocs. And semi-permanently staining their feet the color of red dirt. And the fun part about Crocs? They allow you to bring the dirt, twigs, leaves and assorted detritus inside with you. Alex took a bath last night and when I went to take one this morning, I swiftly decided a shower was the way to go. At least until I have a chance to clean the tub.

As I did laundry this weekend, I found another point to ponder. Art handles bathtime so I've rarely seen this phenemonon in action. How DOES one remove their pants, underwear and socks all together, at the same time? Alex apparently can do it consistently, not just as a one-off occurrence, because there were several days' worth of his wardrobe arranged just so. Yet he cannot tie his shoes. Hmmmm.

When I picked Alex up from After School Care Friday he was in the art room, one of his favorite places there. I think they have a line of credit with Oriental Trading because he rarely comes home without some sort of thing he has put together, decorated, glued, etc. Friday they'd decorated small pillows and stuffed them with cotton balls. There was also a plastic pocket on the pillow case where you could put in a picture. Alex had written his name for that space and decorated the pillow case itself with writing he called "Chinese characters." (Genealogy note: he claims have Chinese and Indian heritage. Art says if he doesn't mean Cherokee, he is not correct. I'm staying out of it.)

The caretakers/jailkeepers called Alex out over the speakers to let him know I was there. That's when he walked out in front of me, several school employees and parents - with the pillow stuffed under his shirt, announcing in a loud voice (with a Scarlett O'Hara accent)- "Ah'm having a BAY-BEE!" At least it was Friday. I made him demonstrate the performance for Art as well. As for Chinese characters, it just reminded me of that old Chinese proverb and curse: May you always live in interesting times.

Yakety-Yak & Tooth Fairy Feedback

Shocker: Alex got in trouble for talking too much at school yesterday. (I know, this is hard to believe.) He "pulled" two ants for talking but didn't get to the dreaded third anthill. However, it was bad enough that he was made to eat lunch by himself as punishment. I tried to play this up:

Me: "Oh, I bet it was no fun to eat all alone without your friends."
(I was kind of feeling sorry for him.)
Alex: "It was great - I got a whole table to myself!"

Our little optimist - a real glass-half-full kind of guy.

Art figures it defeated the purpose by, essentially, giving him a stage for the whole cafeteria to watch him. Apparently he did better today. He claims that his teacher said, and I quote, that "he did pretty more better today." (Doesn't really sound like her but he didn't bring a note home, at least.)

He's not admitting to any more loose teeth these days. I think there's at least one more that is loose but it must not be very loose. The new tooth is coming in nicely and moving into the right space. I was worried there for a little while.

In an impromptu neighborhood moms and moms-to-be meeting last week I told two of our neighbors about our tooth travails. Raquel happens to be from Spain, and I asked her if they had the tooth fairy. She confirmed that they did. "Wait, is it the tooth FAIRY?" Well, no, it is a mouse named "El Ratoncito Perez." We should have gone next door for our information. That first toothless night would have been a lot easier! Leslie mentioned that the tooth fairy at her house once had an unfortunate incident in the night, accidentally leaving $20 instead of $1 because of poor lighting.

Of course, all bets are off when Alex loses his second tooth. We checked "Throw Your Tooth on the Roof" out of the school library so we could do some research here at home. Then I just ordered our own copy online. Surprisingly mice and other creatures play a large part in global tooth disposal. Next time, Alex says he's going to throw his tooth. He also considered wrapping it in bread and feeding it to a dog. I told him the neighbors' dogs are off limits.

A Visit from the Tooth Mouse (AKA El Ratoncito Perez)

Well, the first official Toothwatch is over, as of Wednesday. After much wiggling and no results, I called the dentist on Monday. (I was supposed to do that on March 1st if the tooth wasn't out yet but I kept thinking we could give it just a little more time. I'd suggested tying the tooth with a string to a door and shutting it, but Alex said that sounded violent.) The dental appointment was set, Wednesday at 2. I wasn't sure how this was going to go down because our regular cleaning visits are always a grab bag of behavior. Will he lean back in the chair? Will he allow them to actually clean his teeth? Will he clamp his teeth together and refuse to do anything? I think we were both nervous when we went in.

The hygienist spread her tools out on the tray and called the dentist in. They decided that gas was called for and put the mask on Alex. Neither of us had done that before so we were definitely in uncharted territory. They explained that Alex would start to feel floaty soon, and he thought it was pretty cool. Then they examined the tooth and gave him a shot. This was where I thought it was all going to go bad. The gas must really help because he didn't make a peep. Then there was wiggling and pulling. The hygienist prepared a little plastic tooth-shaped box for us, and the dentist handed her something from Alex's mouth. The he stopped and told Alex that we were going to wait a minute until he was ready for them to pull it. I was confused. Dr. John told Alex they would pull it when he gave the word. The hygienist was cleaning something and packing it in the box. Alex told them it was okay to go ahead. Dr. John said okay, then explained that the tooth was missing! How did that happen? They examined his mouth in the mirror, then presented him with his tooth in the box. Alex never knew when (or if) they pulled it. It was magic.

And I can't say enough about how awesome Clemson Family Dentistry is. On the way out they slipped me a Sacagewea dollar for the tooth fairy to leave. Talk about full service.

I took advantage of the sedating effect of the nitrous to have Alex's hair cut. It didn't help. He still wiggles and is so extremely ticklish that it takes twice as long as it should. (I try to tip well.) We postponed our snack until the novocaine wore off but Alex was fine with no ill effects within an hour. I'd meant to make a tooth pillow for Alex to put his tooth in for the Tooth Fairy but like so many of my craft projects time slipped away from me. It was okay though because he was perfectly happy with his little tooth box. The real problem came just before supper time.

I mentioned in passing that we could now leave the tooth for the tooth fairy to collect and maybe she would leave him something in return. The answer was a resounding NO! You see, Alex's class has been learning about teeth and counting how many in their class had lost them and kept a record of them. They'd had a dentist visit and, most importantly, they'd read a book about tooth traditions from around the world. This is a book that I have NOT read or known anything about. Then Alex started telling us something about a tooth mouse and a glass of water. Or, throwing your tooth on the roof. It took a phone call to a friend (an awesome go-to person for experienced mom information) and research on the Internet to unearth global tooth legends and the scoop on the tooth mouse. In some Spanish-speaking countries he's known as El Ratoncito Perez. Has quite a ring to it, doesn't it?

In most of the stories the tooth mouse performs the same function as the Tooth Fairy. You hide the tooth under the pillow, the mouse or fairy collects it and leaves a prize. Sometimes a coin, other money, small prize or candy. (I think the candy is really at cross-purposes for someone who's just lost a tooth.) An obscure custom that is now gaining favor, according to Wikipedia, is leaving one's tooth in a glass of water. The mouse exchanges it for a coin. (Sources on the web theorize that it's easier to sneak a glass of water away from a child's room than to retrieve a tooth from under their pillow.) At our house it was even easier for El Ratoncito. Alex had me fill the glass and put the tooth in but protested when I brought it in to his room.

"I don't want the mouse in my room. Leave it in the kitchen on the counter."

Much more sanitary, don't you agree? The tooth mouse came through, apparently not insulted that he was only allowed in the kitchen. A shiny $1 coin replaced the tooth. All is well and the new tooth is up and just needs to push into its proper place. I'm just waiting on the next tooth he loses. What will we do for it? I've gotten books from the library now - perhaps we'll throw the tooth on the roof or burn it to ashes. Who knew tooth-losing would turn into an anthropological adventure?

Liberation Theology

Sunday night, the kids made cookies at church. I asked Alex about it on the way home.

Me: You made a lot of cookies tonight, didn't you?
Alex: Yeah.
Me: Did you guys eat them all?
Alex: No!
Me: Well, who were they for?
Alex: Christians.
Me: Christians where?
Alex: Jail.
Me: So, you made cookies for people who are in jail for doing bad things but are now Christians?
Alex: Yeah, so maybe they'll do good when they get out.

Maybe the kids are onto something. Not sure how much of the program they understood, but they had fun making cookies. At least if you judge by the amount of flour on them at the end of the evening!

Toothwatch, Week 1

The dentist told us more than a year ago that a couple of Alex's bottom teeth were loose. Nothing happened though, but now his combined kindergarten/first grade class is a hotbed of Tooth Fairy gossip. In January they learned about calendars and they counted how many classmates' birthdays were in January and how many teeth were lost in the month. Seven teeth lost thus far.

Well, finally, the Tooth Fairy is nigh. Alex told me that one bottom tooth was wiggly. I try not to stick my fingers in his mouth, and discourage him from doing so, too, but I made an exception here. Then, one night I happened to catch him open-mouthed near a lamp. The permanent tooth is all the way in, right behind the baby tooth. I can't imagine how he didn't notice it. I called Art in for an inspection. I was afraid that it was going to scar him for life, at least orthodontically speaking. So, the next afternoon we trekked to our dentist, Dr. John. Before he came in the hygienist inspected Alex. He wouldn't sit back in the chair, but he did let her look in his mouth. (She bribed him with Toy Story 3 on the TV in the room.) From the array of tools she put on the tray I could tell she was planning on pulling the tooth that day. It normally takes two to three people holding Alex down for them to clean his teeth, so I was not looking forward to telling him they might pull his tooth out. Thankfully, Dr. John came in and told me we had nothing to worry about. He thinks the tooth will come out on its own soon without any interference from a professional. I could tell he was weighing the options and how much ensuing chaos each would cause. We decided to give it a couple of weeks. So, if the tooth's not out on its own by March 1st, we need to get it pulled. EVERYONE, CROSS YOUR FINGERS!

I asked Alex if I should get to work and make him a little pillow to put the tooth out for the Tooth Fairy. He explained what happens if it falls out at school. "Well, you go to the nurse, because it WILL bleed. Then, she cleans you up and you get a little treasure box or necklace shaped like a tooth to put the tooth in and carry it home. And you get a prize." If a prize is involved, all his teeth may come out at school. Of course, if that's the case there's only at 50/50 chance we'll ever see them, considering the jackets, lunch boxes, etc., that get left at school regularly.

Tales of a Kindergarten Snob

My child is a snob, specifically, an ageist. Today is a rare holiday when Art, Alex and I are all off. It's a beautiful day, except for the wind. So I promised to take Alex to the park today. I'm in the midst of a cooking frenzy due to a combination of a day off and decongestant. (It came down to sleeping or breathing, and I chose breathing. Mainly because Art was suffering so, at least that was his complaints from the couch.) Anyway, I penciled in the park for a half hour between baking Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Banana Bread (which is wonderful) and a double batch of lasagna, an apple walnut cake and taco filling for the freezer. I must stress again, that I'm working at 1 1/2 times my regular speed because of the Claritin D. According to my husband I am also overly ambitious about my cooking schedule and my ability to multi-task when the stove is involved. Have no fear - nothing is currently on the stove top and the timer is set for the cake in the oven.

Alex and I set off for the park. I had a book to read, he was wearing his jaunty red Crocs. When we got to the park, it was packed. There seemed to be a group of stay-at-home moms with their preschoolers and a couple of school-aged kids. Alex had unbuckled his seat belt and was about to get out when he surveyed the playground situation. "I am NOT getting out." Why not? "I am not playing with those kids." Again, why not? The gist of it - they're babies. I pointed out two boys who seemed to be about 5 and 7. He studied them for a moment. "More like 6 and 4." I told him that he was 6 also, and 4 was not that far away. "4-3-2-1: baby!" So, we could not possibly play with them. I decided to drive home past the next nearest park to see if the in-crowd was playing there. Nope, all girls. We just went home.

It was probably for the best. After we got home he played outside for 5 minutes then announced it was too windy to stay outside. I'd force him to get more fresh air, but he's really right. It's blowing very hard now and we've lost several dead branches. Knowing my luck, if I made him go outside he'd get brained with a branch and never play outside again. We've almost talked him into getting a bicycle. We tried a couple out at Walmart yesterday. We'll need training wheels and a new helmet, too, and Art decided that we needed to research the bike brand before making a decision. (Decoded message: I will go home and forget about it and hopefully my wife will do the legwork.)

Alex had a really good week at school last week. Granted he was only at school two full days and two half days. But he didn't even make it to the first anthill on Thursday and Friday. That was amazing. I'm pretty sure it hasn't happened twice in one week before. This is the kid who when I got to his classroom to volunteer at 9:15 AM was already on the third anthill a few weeks ago. I was horrified. I thought it took him most of the day to work up to that much misbehavior. When I asked him what was going on, he told me, "It's okay, Mom, I've already gotten in all the trouble I can today." Like it's a quota system and I should be happy that he got it over with early. I'd like to say that he saw the error of his ways but I think the loss of television on 3rd Anthill evenings convinced him to behave.