All I Needed to Know...I DID NOT Learn in School

Alex's first month of school has passed fairly smoothly. He's in the same multi-age class as last year, with the same teachers and many of the same kids. (The kindergartners are new but most of the first graders were together last year.) We knew a few of the younger friends already so that helped even more. I'm happy that the three teachers know Alex and all of his many quirks - it cut down on the learning curve tremendously.

The teachers explained to the first graders that now they were the older friends and with seniority came responsibility. (It cracks me up that first graders are the older, more seasoned mentors; at least it did until I saw some kindergartners at After School Care. They look so tiny and young! I can't believe that was Alex just a year ago.) The older friends are teaching the younger friends class songs, the rules and where things are in the school. The teachers told them that they were to set the example and that they would have to follow the rules more carefully since they already knew them. You could almost see Alex's chest swell out with pride as he talked about helping the "younger friends".

Four weeks in and things are going well. He's only been denied a star on his card at After School Care one day. When I asked the counselor what happened, she consulted the log book and reported that he bothered a girl. That seemed vague, so I asked Alex about it. Of course, he had a much more detailed tale. Alex, Augustus, Jack and Patricia were playing some sort of zombie-princess-medieval game. (The point of things was unclear, even for the players apparently.) Augustus was the king, Jack was a prince and Patricia was the princess. Alex couldn't remember if he was a zombie or a troll. Either way, he was attacking the princess and the others were defending her from the monster. Patricia seemed to be a willing participant but something went awry and the authorities entered the fray. It's possible that Patricia just looks too sweet to be voluntarily involved in something like this. Alex didn't seem worried and it hasn't happened again. I've got my fingers crossed.

A couple of weeks in, homework started. I have to say, first grade homework is much harder than kindergarten homework. I may be totally out of my depth before elementary school is over, if it continues at this pace. There are usually 3 tasks for homework: take-home readers, spelling words and math. Take-home readers are small books that Alex works on at school as well and he usually zips right through them. He's doing much better with his reading, especially when he takes his time and actually reads what's there instead of guessing what it should be.

Spelling words? No problem. The first two sets have been so easy that he's spelled them correctly the first day. (I do expect them to get harder.) He had his first spelling test last Friday. I didn't think to discuss what that would be like ahead of time. He seemed surprised that his teacher only asked them to write the words down once. He thought that was a piece of cake. I guess he expected something more demanding - writing the words two or three times, a speed round - I'm not sure. The only thing he had trouble with was getting his b's and d's backwards.

Math homework? Also not a problem, at least for Alex. I was flummoxed on the very first night. I couldn't even get my head wrapped around what the questions meant. When I read them aloud with Alex he said he knew just what to do. I'm so glad because I was terribly unhelpful. In high school Algebra 2 I Ms. Gleason made me promise that I would never again voluntarily attend a math class. (The idea was not to torture another teacher or myself but I had never voluntarily attended any math class BEFORE the 11th grade! They were all attended under duress.) After the first night I did okay. Then came this week's homework. It involved polygons. What?! What are polygons? I asked Alex, and he replied, "You should know this stuff," a little smugly I might add. That's just wonderful. Art said it was a many-sided shape but that I could look it up if it made me feel better. I decided not to do so. My head's already too full of stuff to try to jam in geometry trivia. Last night Alex drew lines of symmetry to make two equal halves of shapes. I'm pretty sure I didn't do that in the first grade. I don't know if I even did that in high school geometry - probably not.

Our other challenge this month has been sitting still. The summer break was so long because of school constructions and I think it's been difficult for everyone to get back into their routine and sit calmly. When I picked up Alex yesterday, his teacher was parked next to me and came over to talk. First she told me that Alex was supposed to explain polygons to me, which he did. Then she mentioned that Alex had trouble sitting during instruction time and that she'd told him she might have to sit on him. I told her we'd talk about it at home. As we drove out I told him he had to work on it, or he might get sat on.

Alex: "I think that's just a saying."
Me: "Really?"
Alex: "Yeah, if she meant it she'd have done it by now."

I guess he's heard this before. That guess was confirmed later in the evening when he mentioned gym class. He liked the game they played then mentioned in passing that their teacher took them down to the gym for class and told the P.E. teacher to run some of Alex's energy out. Maybe we should keep him awake longer at night! So 17 days down, 163 to go. Keep your fingers crossed.

LATE BREAKING NEWS: I should have known that everything I wrote this afternoon was going to jinx the kid. Today was his the first "3rd Anthill" day of the year. At least it took almost a three weeks of school. Alex reportedly talked during instruction time, didn't sing when he was supposed to and talked back to the teacher. He said that the talking back was when the teacher asked if he knew what his third strike meant, and he said, "Yeah, the third anthill." I'm guessing the tone was the problem, not the words. Tonight was no TV or computer time. I made him walk with me, too, which he considers torture. Well, tomorrow is another day.

Things I Don't Need in the Morning

I'm trying to get dressed this morning and looking for the earrings that go with what I'm wearing. As I'm ransacking the tangle of earrings, I see the bathroom light go on, and hear water running. Hmmm. Alex has eaten and is dressed. His face and hands are washed, his teeth are brushed.

"What are you doing?"
"I'm just seeing if these are REALLY waterproof!"

Thankfully, "they" turned out to be plastic-y Uno cards, thus the name "Uno H2O" cards. And, they are indeed waterproof. I'm all for scientific investigation but not before 8 a.m., and not in my bathroom, please.

Mother's Little Helper

Mid-afternoon I was working on my canning adventure (more on that later) and I had a question for Art.

Me: "Alex, is Dad asleep?" (At last sighting he was sprawled in a chair).

Alex: "Yeah, but I can make him not asleep if you want me to!"

Werewolves, Bigfoot and Vampires

Okay, here's an argument at our house: does Bigfoot exist? Depends on which member of the household you ask. Not mentioning any names, but the senior member of the family is outvoted 2 to 1 on this question. Alex is as skeptical as I am if you're talking about Sasquatch. It is an altogether different case if you bring up the Loch Ness monster. Alex is a die-hard Nessie fan. I can let that slide on the off chance that I might get to go to Scotland on a fact-finding mission.


Alex is a fan, in general, of all sorts of creatures. His favorite Abbott & Costello movies are the ones that include the Wolfman, Mummy, Frankenstein or the Invisible Man. (Yes, I know that it should be Frankenstein's monster but Abbott & Costello are not correct there, or in many other places.) So, I should have expected it a few nights ago when he showed me a scratch on his knee. "Mom, I have to tell you something. Last night I got scratched by a werewolf."


"Oh, no, are you going to be a werewolf?" "Yes, at the next full moon." He then demonstrated how he would snarl and growl, and asked me when the next full moon was. I have no idea. Since he doesn't stay up after dark, we may be safe. At least until he's older and his bedtime is later.


On the subject of vampires, I have a deep, dark secret. Okay, probably not as deep or dark as I would hope. I am a huge Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. The TV series, not the movie. (The movie has its moments, especially those with Donald Sutherland in it, but it is not nearly as successfully entertaining as the TV show.) I can probably tell you the plot of most episodes by watching the first 5 minutes. Most likely, I can quote at least one line of dialogue from each one as well. A few weeks ago, Nickelodeon's teen channel started running Buffy at midnight each night. Alex saw some of the ads during the afternoon while watching his beloved Drake & Josh. (I am not nearly so proud to say that I also know the plots of every episode of Drake & Josh. Sometimes I make Alex change the channel when I've reached my lifetime quota of viewings for an episode.) Alex mentioned in passing that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was cool. I agreed. Then he asked who "Rex" was on the show. "Rex?" "Yeah, Rex." Now in seven seasons of Buffy I do not recall a character named Rex. I wracked my brain for minor characters, guest stars or villains that could have been Rex. Nothing. I had no idea.


Finally, last night we were watching Drake & Josh yet again, and the Buffy commercial came on again. The tagline asked what was more difficult - high school, fighting vampires or facing her ex. On that last part it showed her talking and fighting with Angel (played by David Boreanaz). Alex looked at me and said, "That's Rex." No, it's not, his name is Angel. Ohhhhh, "her ex," "Rex," NOW I get it. The kid hears as well as I do!


He almost got in trouble over my faulty hearing yesterday. On the way back from swimming lessons we had the car windows and roof open to help him dry off without freezing in the A/C. The radio was on, too, when he announced (I thought) that "Girls were dumb." WHAT?! We do not talk about people that way, much less girls as a whole! I was just getting wound up when he added, "They're not people, they're animals." I was about to stop the car on the side of the road so that I could yell at him more effectively when he said, "I said TURTLES, not GIRLS!" Well, that's a different kettle of fish altogether. Carry on. But we don't know that turtles are dumb either! We don't want to be species-ists.


To close, I'll try to put beach pictures up over the long weekend. We got some good ones. Here's is one showing how we spent Father's Day.

This is my brother Brad, my Dad and Alex at the bar at Lulu's at Homeport Marina. It's an open restaurant but there were lots of fans and we sat on the water. When they brought the appetizers, Alex dug into Mimi's onion rings as Art and I stared in amazement. He said, "What? I eat these all the time." Huh? I missed that memo. We'd never seen him put an onion in his mouth. So two vegetable triumphs this summer: carrots and onions, at least the deep fried kind.

NOT Old Enough to Know Better

Last week Alex and I were in The Beaded Tiger to get a couple of bracelets that I'd broken fixed. Everyone who works there is remarkably tolerant of the million or so questions Alex asks about the beads, the tools, what they are doing and everything else he can think of. At one point he asked the very nice lady rebuilding my bracelet, "How old are you?" Before I could say anything she said, "Old enough to know better." Alex considered that for a moment, then she asked him, "Alex, how old are you?" He immediately answered, "NOT old enough to know better!" Isn't that the truth!

Which brings us to the other little incident from last week. As Art went to get him out of the tub, there was a thump, splash and yelling from both of the guys. I went in to see what the problem was. Alex was out of the tub, Art was fussing at him and most everything was wet. What happened? Art walked in to find Alex going up into a handstand IN THE TUB. Yes, there was water in the tub, and no, it doesn't help that he had goggles on. He apparently was on his hands and knees, lowering his face into the water to look with his goggles. That gave him the notion to just kick his legs on over into a handstand. More fussing was done. Alex's theory that you can't drown in three inches of water was refuted, more or less scientifically. Case in point: NOT old enough to know better!

Butterfingers

At the end of school Alex's multi-age class had a "Family Feast and Awards Program" extravaganza. Ten minutes before it started we told Alex that it was time to go. "But I'm supposed to dress up. I need to wear church clothes! And a tie!" After fussing at him for not saying anything sooner, we ironed his white dress shirt, found his red and black tie and matching socks, church shoes that fit (sort of) and headed out the door. He doesn't have a black belt, so we left his shirt untucked.

When we got there, just five minutes late, I told his teachers about his dress code. They all laughed. As I suspected, they did not issue a dress code for the performance. The kids asked what to wear and they just told them to dress nice. When a few of the clothes-horses asked "church nice?" the teachers said that was fine. His teacher told me that Alex then said that he usually wore a tie to church. For the record there were three boys in ties for the evening. Alex's friend Ian had on shorts, a dress shirt and tie, and his buddy Jamie wore shorts, a plaid shirt and one of his dad's ties with a map of the world on it. They all looked good. Especially when they rocked out to the musical portion of the program.

A high point of the evening was the class's rendition of "We Are Family." They modified the lyrics to include "in a multi-age ant colony." (Ants are their theme.) Many pictures and videos were taken. Each of the family groups (8 groups made up of 5 children with a mix of kindergarten and first graders) sang a song. They were very cute and did a great job. After that, there were the awards.

Each child got a candy award - Snickers for a child that's funny, Peanut M&M's for someone "small, sweet and a little nutty," etc. Alex got the Butterfingers award for breaking the most things accidentally. On the way home Art asked him about breaking things. He said, "Son, you don't break that much at home, why do you at school?" Alex replied, "Well, they have a lot more stuff." I tried not to laugh. Art said that wasn't a very good reason, to which Alex answered, "It's SCHOOL property, Dad." I guess Art shouldn't worry as long as it's not OUR stuff.

It was a late night, and Alex didn't get in bed with the lights off until after 9. It was rough getting him up the next morning. He wasn't unhappy about it; he just didn't see a need to go to school anymore. He thought the program wrapped it all up nicely, and they should be done now. I kind of agreed. Art said he didn't particularly want to go to work, either. In the end everyone agreed that we had to go whether we wanted to or not. Alex was persuaded to go (at least for that day) because he wanted to get people to sign his yearbook.

Symbolism?

Alex is very into "elements" and "symbols". I think it's due to the cartoons he watches - elements from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and symbols from superhero stuff. This morning before school he brought me a piece of paper with "his symbols" on it. It had four line drawings starting with a heart on top, a swirl below it, then a lightning bolt and finally, a star. Catchy little logo, I thought, maybe he's going to be artistic like his Uncle Brad.

"Do you know what they stand for, Mom?" Um, no. What? "Love, mind control, power and plans." I was pretty much speechless with that bit of news. Mind control? Really? What kind of TV is Art letting him watch? I thought America's Funniest Home Videos was the worst. Now the child is plotting world domination through mind control. I'm just hoping he remembers his good ol' mom when he's a global tyrant.

Speaking of which, I went to an elegant and lovely Mother's Day Tea at the school on Friday. The children sang "What a Wonderful World" for us, told us one at a time why their mom was special, then served us lemonade and cookies. They weren't even allowed to eat until the moms were gone. (And I thought they showed particular good grace in not rushing us out the door.) I'll try to figure out how to post the video here. I got the camera for Christmas but haven't investigated how to get the movies out of the camera. It was impressive. They did a bang up job with the table settings. Lots of pink and flowers were in evidence. Each place had a decorated frame with your child's picture, a card with a poem composed in your honor and a gift they made in art. (I got a necklace made of clay and it matched what I was wearing.)

Speaking of what I wore, the night before, teasing Alex, I asked what I should wear for the tea. Alex thought for a minute. "Prettier, but it's not the prom." So, something between business casual and semi-formal? I went with my floral Easter dress and a cardigan. He was fine with that. He thought I should have a corsage but I explained with my allergies it might just kill me. Thankfully, he dropped the idea.